That is basically how I feel. One day, it feels like things are getting better between Terry & I, like they might actually eventually work themselves out, then the next day it is right back to where we started.
I wish I knew what it is that is so bad about me. Why do I deserve to be treated like this? Don't I deserve to be loved and treated well? Why is it so much better to make me feel like a piece of shit?
I am just, sad, all of the time. I don't know how to fix it and I really don't know what causes this feeling, I think it is just a little bit of everyting lumped together and it just makes me feel...worthless, and I hate that feeling!
It has been a very very very long time since I have felt so worthless and helpless, I feel like I am wasting the time of everyone in my life because no matter what I do, I will never be good enough.
No matter what, I will obviously NEVER be good enough for Terry. He has made that perfectly clear, I just can't force myself to leave, I keep praying that things are going to get better, but I know that he will never be happy with me, but I don't want to let him go. Terry & Dylan are my life, I don't know who I am without them. That is who I am Terry's girlfriend and Dylan's mom, I am nothing without them, but I am starting to wonder if I am anything to them?
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