Starting a Business

I have always wanted to start my own business, I just never had a clue what I wanted to do. I want it to be something that I enjoy, that is fun, and I will want to get up everyday and do.

Today, while baking away like crazy, I started thinking...how fun would it be to open a Candy type store, with homemade fudges, chocolate covered fruits, things like that..like a Coffee Shop with these types of goodies...all the things to make a working mom very happy during a break or on her lunch...a place you think of when you want to get someone some special comfort food...I think it would be fun.

I am going to start some plans, see what I can come up with.

Alone

That is basically how I feel. One day, it feels like things are getting better between Terry & I, like they might actually eventually work themselves out, then the next day it is right back to where we started.

I wish I knew what it is that is so bad about me. Why do I deserve to be treated like this? Don't I deserve to be loved and treated well? Why is it so much better to make me feel like a piece of shit?

I am just, sad, all of the time. I don't know how to fix it and I really don't know what causes this feeling, I think it is just a little bit of everyting lumped together and it just makes me feel...worthless, and I hate that feeling!

It has been a very very very long time since I have felt so worthless and helpless, I feel like I am wasting the time of everyone in my life because no matter what I do, I will never be good enough.

No matter what, I will obviously NEVER be good enough for Terry. He has made that perfectly clear, I just can't force myself to leave, I keep praying that things are going to get better, but I know that he will never be happy with me, but I don't want to let him go. Terry & Dylan are my life, I don't know who I am without them. That is who I am Terry's girlfriend and Dylan's mom, I am nothing without them, but I am starting to wonder if I am anything to them?

Mommy Ways

So, since Terry and I have been TTC for a few months, I have been doing a lot of thinking about the way that I parent, the way that I had done things with Dylan...bottle feeding and disposible diapers and things of that nature and thinking about what I would like to do with the next one.

I have been seriously considering cloth diapers with the next and some baby wearing...Dylan likes his stroller - he likes that he can just keep going but can relax and whatever whenever he wants - I am thinking that with also having #2 I really do not want a double stroller (unless of course I get lucky and have multiples!! LOL) so at least while #2 is tiny I at the moment think I will babywear (at least part of the time).

I would also like to try cloth diapers - at least while at home and then use the dispoables while out and about and leave for the babysitter (I think it would just be easier on her and make things less stressful).

I will continue to bottle feed - it just works better for me, and I will contuie to vacanite my children, while I can appreciate the mothers who do not, I just live in an area where I find it necessary - there are so many people from so many different walks of life, although it is the 'burbs we basically have the population of a city and all of the hussle and bussle, not vacinating my children is not a risk that I would like to take, knowing they will one day attend public schools, although I have considered homeschooling, I don't think it will work well for us, still looking into public schools but I have a feeling that is not something that we are going to be able to afford and our public schools are good, the one I had attended is in the top 50 in the country..well, off to clean my house...

Me and two of the greatest friends you could ever ask for Darcy (Left), Me (Center), Katie (Right)

We are generally up to no good...why would this time be any different! LOL

Dylan in all his Glory! The boy is not happy if he is not on two (well, four) wheels! LOL

Terry and I Memorial Day Weekend at his Step-Fathers House

Halloween 2007