It is official...sort of

So, my parents after 27 years of marriage are getting a divorce. This really comes as no surprise...they have been separated since last February. But for some reason, it is still really hard to deal with at the moment.

Maybe it is because of all my wishful thinking, you know, that no matter what they would work things out - maybe it is just the natural reaction. I don't know. But this morning my mother told me that my father was going to sign the papers today, I wanted to break down and cry but I know she feels bad enough as it is already, she thinks that she is ruining our lives, I could not force her to watch me cry.

I am an adult for crying out loud, and this is life! Not always the most pleasant of situations, but inevitably, it will move on.

I honestly don't know how I should be reacting at this point, without feeling selfish anyway.

My heart aches for my father at this point, my two younger brothers live with my mother and my father is left all alone, probably something that he enjoys to a point, but I would imagine empty none the less. Sometimes I feel like I need to pick up the pieces - I feel like I need to hold everything together, but I don't really know how to do that anymore. I used to be so great at it, and if I am no longer holding everything together, where do I fit in with my family now.

People always say that "growing up" isn't easy, but I always expected it to be the responsibilities that got to me, but really it has nothing to do with responsibilities...it is more the letting go of the "life" I was used to.