And it goes on...

So, I am still confused about everything that has been going on.

Terry had borrowed a laptop from his brother so that he could get some pictures that he had saved onto it - so I was using it also while it was at our house (we have a computer but it is a pile of crap so we never use it).

Everyone and their brother uses this laptop...there is AIM on the computer and seriously there are 15 different user names of different people that have signed onto the AIM with that laptop. I do not have an AIM account, I have not used instant messengers since I lived at home with my parents and had dial up AOL in 1999 (or maybe even earlier than that) so, needless to say I have not used it in YEARS...and some people have their passwords saved so all that you have to do it click sign in - so he takes it upon himself to sign into someones AIM account (probably his niece since her initials are TT and that was basically the entire screen name) and is reading the messages that people are sending...this apparently is only there because I am up to something - it was a 10 year old AIM that he was signed into - all of the messages were talking about Summer 07 and how it is finally here...but that apparently is all a big cover up and really I downloaded the AIM to the computer and was talking on it to people and then closing it out when he came into the room.

He is starting to get a little out of control. I told him to call his brother and ask who's screen name it was - hoping that would ease the situation because I do not even know who's it was...and he says...don't worry I will find out who's it is....CRAZY! He is CRAZY!

Everything is starting to take it toll on me, I am running out of the emotional energy that I need to get through the day - I can feel the effects that it is taking on me physically, and I know this is not a healthy relationship, but I can't help but keep trying. We used to have the best relationship in the world, he was my best friend, now I feel like I don't even know him and he does not even care to know me anymore.

A few months ago I was talking to a guy at work...harmless, we were just friends, he has a girlfriend I have a boyfriend both long term relationships, we just got along well, it felt like we had a lot in common. The guy from work plays in a band and asked if we (both Terry and I) wanted to go see him play - so we went to a local bar and saw the band, not really either of our scenes but still a good time...a few weeks after the guy from my work wanted me (and some of my friends) to go out to the bars with him - I did not go but he had sent a text msg to my cell phone asking if I would and telling me where they would be - I sign most of my messages with Luv Shannon - so now Terry thinks that I am cheating on him with this guy...my life has been a living hell ever since.

I never thought that having a friend of the opposite sex was that big of a deal, Terry told me that it was a big deal to him...he feels like a guy never wants to be JUST FRIENDS with a female - there is always something more behind it (which I find to be ridiculous). Anyway, it bothers him so I told him that I would just end the friendship - my relationship was more important. Besides that after he thought that I was cheating on him, he decides that he is going to go through all of my personal stuff, reads journals etc...he found a letter that I wrote during a hard time in our relationship - I wrote to "him" a person that I hoped to meet one day, not a really person but just someone anyone...because he went through my personal things and found this - he now insists that I wrote this letter to the guy that I work with...which I did not!

I used to see a counselor who told me that it was good to write when I was upset or confused so that is what I do - I figure my life out by writing - I feel like this outlet has been taken away from me...my personal thoughts and feelings have been stolen from me...it makes me feel violated!

Anyway, he tells me yesterday that everything that he is feeling "has nothing to do with him, nothing at all" it is all my fault that he feels this way - here is an idea GENIUS....if you did not snoop through my personal feelings and read something that was not intended for you...hell, it was not intended for anyone except for me...you would not feel this way, now you turn it around and believe what you want...you know what...you got what you deserve for violating my space!

Guess what...it is your fault...for not asking me, talking to me, for jumping to conclusions!

Well, I have lost the energy to continue venting at this point. Hopefully, whatever it is that is causing these problems (because he still will not inform me) will be over with soon.